Euthanization is finally here Hawkeye Nation. Today, as most of you that care already know, Iowa is playing the University of Michigan, or in easier terms, they are playing Todd “Dickbiter” Lickliter’s personal kryptonite. "The Todd" is 2-6 against John Beilein and the Wolverines at Iowa, and two of those losses came in the past two years during the first round of the Big Ten Tournament.
As much as we bitch and moan about the Hawkeye basketball team, we do want them to go on a four game winning streak, nab a tournament bid, and lose to Duke in the first round of the big dance (thought compliments of Jud). But as passionate Hawkeye fans, we know that the odds of that happening are 1-1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.
The task seems simple to get past the first round, stop DeShawn Sims and Manny Harris. If Iowa can shut down those two, they will shut down the Wolverines. But again as passionate Hawkeye fans we know that completing that task is The Todd’s downfall as a coach. In last years tournament loss, those two combined scored 45-points, which was more than Iowa tallied up in the contest. Hopefully the young May can make a defensive impact against Harris, but we aren’t counting on it.
So with a celebration like this, what’s better than having a running diary? As always check back after each half for what could be the last running diary for the Iowa Hawkeye basketball team.
19:28- Offensive foul on Jarryd Cole to start the first half. What a perfect first possession. This very well could be the first look at how the rest of the game is going to go.
18:45- Harris lights up a huge three from down town and I have a question for you at home. What do the Hawkeyes do next?
A. Push the ball up court and get an easy basket.
B. Call their first timeout after a 1:15 of game play.
C. Turn the ball over.
The correct answer is B. Way to be Lick, way to be.
18:20- Another Hawkeye turnover, this time by Fuller. It led to an easy down low basket by Sims.
17:39- Gatens floats an ugly three but Fuller grabs the offensive rebound and lays it back home. Fuller is one of the brightest lights on the Iowa basketball team. To bad he is leaving as soon as this game is over.
17:19- Sims takes the ball at the top of the key, shakes Cole off of him and throws it home. Great help side defense Iowa. Apparently “The Todd” didn’t read my “key to the game”.
15:22- Sims is feeling it this afternoon and that means Cole is getting his ass handed to him. He just nailed a “heat check” three pointer on the atrocious defense by Cole. Does Lickliter even try to pump these guys up for basketball games, because they look more flat than some of the frat intramural teams that spend the whole night drinking? Oh by the way, Sims and Harris now have all 12 of the Wolverine points. WHAT DID I SAY LICKLITER? WHAT DID I SAY?
13:45- Cully Payne and Harris get tangled up and Payne pulls the Kobe Bryant (putting his hands up to show his innocence). I have a feeling this might either come back later to haunt Payne or pump him up.
13:08- Gatens has taken three 3-pointers, and each one has been off. He’s not even drawing decent iron, he looks like he is throwing up knuckle balls. They are just floating and nobody can tell where they might fall. 17-6, Michigan. Harris and Sims still have all of UM’s points.
11:52- Payne only averages 3.2 assists per game. I for some reason thought it was more. That is not a very attractive number.
10:50- The Hawkeyes look awful! They just committed another turnover, this time a travel by Fuller. He must have a lot on his mind, like leaving to go play at Arizona State. He also has two fouls already. Maybe he wants to watch them lose from the bench and rest his legs for his next team.
10:24- We finally have another Wolverine with points on the board. 19-8 UM.
9:54- We have a Bawinkel sighting so we all know what that means! It’s time to make it rain. If any of them hit the bottom of the net remains to be seen.
9:39- Five turnovers now for Iowa, and they have gone over five minutes without a field goal.
9:01- Finally a field goal from the Hawkeyes. Cully “Kareem Rush” Payne knocks down the lefty three. It only took them five minutes and 48 seconds.
8:08- Another turnover by Cole leads to yet another easy transition basket by Harris. He now has 12 of Michigan’s 26 points. I wonder if “The Todd” even wrote his name on the board under “Players to Watch”?
5:46- Another damn Hawkeye turnover. This time Cully Payne dribble drives right into the baseline. You are supposed to go to the basket Cully. To the BASKET!
3:36- May knocks down a tricky shot with some sweet touch getting the Hawks within 10.
3:08- Gatens takes it to the hole and air balls a floater. Gatens has been the worst player on the floor tonight and I was really hoping he would have come through this game. Maybe he has a lot on his mind too. 28-18, UM.
2:45- Cully shows some pesky quickness by running down a tipped pass for a difficult lay up. Iowa within eight, and they are on a 7-0 run. We are on a run? Can this be true?
1:28- OH Jarryd, I love you so much. He just tried to draw an offensive foul by flopping and flailing to the ground. The ref’s didn’t buy it. 31-20, UM.
:47.2- Cully nails another three. I know I kind of dissed him earlier, but I swear it was a reverse jinx. He is now leading all scorers with 13 points.
:5.5- Cully has been a handful for this Wolverine team. He is taking the ball to the rack, shooting fairly well, and seems to have an extra pep in his step. He is giving Beilein and the Wolverines a run for their money. 31-23, UM at half.
At the start of this game, it looked like Beilein was wearing an “I own Todd Lickliter” t-shirt. UM was just giving it to Lickliter and the Hawkeyes. Lickliter seemed to jump right into the fetal position in the first minute and a half of the game. But on the young wing of Cully Payne, Iowa has made a little push, and maybe just maybe, they can make a game out of this and beat the 1-1,000,000,000,000,000 odds.
19:45- Michigan gets the ball right back to Sims who was wide open and “completely naked” under the basket. I love the way Iowa starts halves. 18:52- Payne is showing great ability to get to the basket and finish around the hoop. I have a theory. I think “The Todd” is going to be fired after this season, and Cully knows this. So he is showing how he can play in a better offense. He is doing things that he seemed reluctant to do all season but now that Lick is getting his ass kicked to the curb, he’s just not giving a f***. It has been a very impressive game for the true freshmen. 16:51- May airballs a baseline three pointer. May has a weird shot. He never seems to fully follow through completely. He’s extremely streaky and if Lick stays around and keeps this offense, May needs to be in the gym working on his shot. 34-27, UM 15:30- Cully, Cully, Cully Payne! It’s all I can say right now. Where have you been the whole season? Where has this three point shooting been all season. He just knocked down a three from down town! DOWN TOWN! This is turning into a fairy tale everybody and Cully Payne is our Cinderella. 34-30, UM.
19:45- Michigan gets the ball right back to Sims who was wide open and “completely naked” under the basket. I love the way Iowa starts halves.
18:52- Payne is showing great ability to get to the basket and finish around the hoop. I have a theory. I think “The Todd” is going to be fired after this season, and Cully knows this. So he is showing how he can play in a better offense. He is doing things that he seemed reluctant to do all season but now that Lick is getting his ass kicked to the curb, he’s just not giving a f***. It has been a very impressive game for the true freshmen.
16:51- May airballs a baseline three pointer. May has a weird shot. He never seems to fully follow through completely. He’s extremely streaky and if Lick stays around and keeps this offense, May needs to be in the gym working on his shot. 34-27, UM
15:30- Cully, Cully, Cully Payne! It’s all I can say right now. Where have you been the whole season? Where has this three point shooting been all season. He just knocked down a three from down town! DOWN TOWN! This is turning into a fairy tale everybody and Cully Payne is our Cinderella. 34-30, UM.
10:20- Cully now has a career high 21 points after making yet another jumper from range. This kid got the green light and he is performing well. The only problem is that the Hawks are down by seven once again, and Harris is starting to pick things up offensively.
So there has been a breaking story from the radio station KCJJ 1630 AM. They said and I quote, “Inside sources tell KCJJ that UI will likely officially cite "health reasons" for Lickliter's resignation”! That’s right folks! Everyone say it with me: So long Todd Lickliter!
7:05- On a lower note, Iowa has gone cold. 53-39, UM.
6:01- Cully splits some defenders and gets to the basket once again for an easy lay up. Not only is Lickliter leaving but Cully Payne is giving me more hope for the future. If Iowa gets a coach with a fast break offensive mentality he has the potential of being an impressive and explosive point guard.
5:00- Sims gets yet another easy bucket down low off a great screen. Time out Lickliter. "The Todd" should just stop coaching, walk out the tunnel, and go jump off a bridge. 55-41, UM.
4:07- Little Lick is finally getting some tick. Hey if I was the coach of a D1 team and had a son that was barely an NAIA talent on the bench, I would play him too (especially if I was “resigning” after the game).
1:52- Little Lick gets two minutes and fifteen seconds of D1 playing time before he leaves with his dad, their tails tucked between their legs. The Hawks, again behind Payne and Fuller are down by five with a minute left.
1:03- Michigan lead by 15 with four minutes left to go. Iowa has shown some flashes of brilliance but they still lack belief that they could actually win this game.
:20.1- Michigan has never trailed in this game, and being desperation time, Harris is at the line looking to add to his 20 point game. He hits them both which pretty much slams the door closed on the Lickliter era. Thank the Lord Almighty!
So there is absolutely no need of a wrap up. We know what happened, and we know what is going to happen. So long Lickliter. I can’t say it was a good relationship, it was actually severely painful and I found myself wanting you to leave me behind. I found myself wanting to either jump off of the top of Carver or push you off. Now with your resignation there has been a giant weight lifted off my shoulders. Let's just hope Barta learns from this mistake.
So Lickliter we send you away with a swift kick in the ass, and we you luck trying to coach your way back into the hearts of white three ball shooters around the nation (you just were never suited for the Big Ten). GO HAWKS!