The Truffle Shuffle
We’ve been a little hard on one of our loyal (as loyal as you could be without a chance to get away I suppose) Hawkeyes here lately. Sure, we’ve ragged on him pretty hard for his weight and have taken every opportunity to bring him down without really taking the time to talk about what he has added to the program.
So today…. Will not be the day that we take that time (although I assure you, once we have a better idea of who will be back, we will take the time to story their accomplishments and contributions – those who leave will be forever ridiculed). Instead, we are going to take another moment to harp on the kid. Now, I know that we’ve done it a lot lately and even the announcers for the Big Ten Network have poked a little fun at him, but Brennan Cougill, you are NOT following your diet. We’ve heard on TV about how you are working hard to cut back and are in the gym all the time trying to drop some weight and gain some quickness.
So explain this one to me big boy: How do you plan on getting in BETTER shape by standing in line at Hillcrest Dormitory eating an entire plate of onion rings while you wait on your pizza? How do you plan on making it up and down the court more than 3 times when after you’ve finished all that, you head back for seconds (and maybe even thirds, I dunno if you’ll have enough time)? Don’t even give me that, “it wasn’t me,” BS.
This is a first-hand account, and not something that gives me a ton of hope for your career at Iowa. The only thing that can save you now is the horrifically slow style of play coach Lick will continue to preach. If we manage to find another coach, may God have mercy on your sole (and gut). Now, put down that donut, quit shakin those rolls and start jogging!
Note: We really do love you, kid. We just want you to get in better shape so we can win some freakin games. I promise, if we go .500 next year and you don’t lose a pound, we will stay off your back. We would also like to note that we will be sure to give you plenty of praise for what you do for the team in due time. Until then, deal with it Meat.